The case of the missing beer: No collection of funny police reports would be complete without mentioning the citizen who calls the police to report the theft of a case of beer, a package of meat, etc. Upon investigation the perpetrator is found to be a family member, who may or may not appear to be sick, trying to conceal evidence of a binge. In a recent episode, a Michigan bulimic reportedly “stole” five pounds of bacon from the family refrigerator.
Sergeant Okanayo and another friend of his were out to form a two-man team that was supposed to carry two missiles that were assigned to them. They were given cammo necks to cover their vehicles if a need arose. At dusk, they were supposed to meet at tour for booty. Unfortunately, fire was set up on one of the oil wells. The smoke that came out of the oil wells sometimes would develop into black rain at times. For the team, it meant that there was no going ahead. They had been trained that any funny chemical smell might mean an attack. They panicked, and they had to put on their gas masks. They then noticed that the smoke was coming from a wiper motor that was mounted on the Jeep.
Once, after a night of seriously heavy drinking, I went to a massage-nuru-parlor to really put a nice exclamation point on the night. I had eaten a lot, and drank even more, so I figured some quiet time with a pretty girl was in order. I was on my belly as the masseuse was working her hands into my lower back, and it was sloshing my stomach around. I wasn’t feeling so great. When she came around to the head of the table, I threw up through the little hole in the headrest, all over the poor woman’s feet.
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